Sunday, April 20, 2014

My Jewish Identity, Grey Area, And Cats in a Mug.

Hey guys, sorry I haven't been blogging (pesach and stuff ya know).
So yeah, Jewish identity, like sexuality it is something that labels you as a person and labels your belief systems and it can be messy at times. The thing is, is that any form of religious identity seems like it has to be black and white "I'm________ so I act like ________". But the most frustrating thing about this is that not everything is black and white. Grey area happens, and I don't know how many shades of grey  there are but it  is natural. It seems like not being definitive or being in the middle about a subject or religious sect is abnormal and I feel like the Jewish community forces us to be an a specific sect. In my own not really expert opinion: Labels are stupid. but there is so much more to that.
For me, this is my life. I am caught in between Conservative and Orthodox Judaism. I have been told to go one direction or the other but to be completely honest with you, I cant. as a person who really likes black and white answers, I really am such a grey area person. I think for anyone going through their last year of high school, going into college or just going into life in general, you need to pick a sect you need to go somewhere. what really made me upset was when one of my friends told me that "there is no such thing as a conservadox Hillel". Well, this friend in question obviously feels restricted and needs to fit in somewhere. I am not trying to sound rude by that last comment but I just feel like there is more to Judaism than being in a specific sect. I know I am Jewish, I know I believe in G-d, but finding your levels of observance (in any religion for this matter) is a personal thing and you just cannot try and fit yourself into anywhere you can.
I can say now that I am a hypocrite. I 100% understand that I didn't take my own advice. I try to fit myself into the "orthodox feminist niche" when in truth, I see myself as one now, but I felt like I have been forcing myself to jump into that cold pool. Now I personally see myself as halachic egalitarian (for those who really care) or in plain "conservadox". I know there is no conservadox Hillel or a conservadox shul but I like my middle ground and I am going to stay in my middle ground. But always make some room to wiggle and to approach other sects and religions with an open mind. Approaching religion, you should always wait for the pool to warm up for you and not jump in when you are not ready. Moral of the story: Grey area is healthy. Not being definitive of where you want to go is normal. Labels can be helpful but they can also lead you in the dark.
Happy Easter, Pesach, April 20th, Sunday, whatever you celebrate

No comments:

Post a Comment

What is on your mind?