My Jewish Identity, Grey Area, And Cats in a Mug.

Hey guys, sorry I haven't been blogging (pesach and stuff ya know).
So yeah, Jewish identity, like sexuality it is something that labels you as a person and labels your belief systems and it can be messy at times. The thing is, is that any form of religious identity seems like it has to be black and white "I'm________ so I act like ________". But the most frustrating thing about this is that not everything is black and white. Grey area happens, and I don't know how many shades of grey  there are but it  is natural. It seems like not being definitive or being in the middle about a subject or religious sect is abnormal and I feel like the Jewish community forces us to be an a specific sect. In my own not really expert opinion: Labels are stupid. but there is so much more to that.
For me, this is my life. I am caught in between Conservative and Orthodox Judaism. I have been told to go one direction or the other but to be completely honest with you, I cant. as a person who really likes black and white answers, I really am such a grey area person. I think for anyone going through their last year of high school, going into college or just going into life in general, you need to pick a sect you need to go somewhere. what really made me upset was when one of my friends told me that "there is no such thing as a conservadox Hillel". Well, this friend in question obviously feels restricted and needs to fit in somewhere. I am not trying to sound rude by that last comment but I just feel like there is more to Judaism than being in a specific sect. I know I am Jewish, I know I believe in G-d, but finding your levels of observance (in any religion for this matter) is a personal thing and you just cannot try and fit yourself into anywhere you can.
I can say now that I am a hypocrite. I 100% understand that I didn't take my own advice. I try to fit myself into the "orthodox feminist niche" when in truth, I see myself as one now, but I felt like I have been forcing myself to jump into that cold pool. Now I personally see myself as halachic egalitarian (for those who really care) or in plain "conservadox". I know there is no conservadox Hillel or a conservadox shul but I like my middle ground and I am going to stay in my middle ground. But always make some room to wiggle and to approach other sects and religions with an open mind. Approaching religion, you should always wait for the pool to warm up for you and not jump in when you are not ready. Moral of the story: Grey area is healthy. Not being definitive of where you want to go is normal. Labels can be helpful but they can also lead you in the dark.
Happy Easter, Pesach, April 20th, Sunday, whatever you celebrate

Eating Disorders

Eating disorders are not fully a feminist issue but, its an issue that really hits close to home. I know some people who have suffered with eating disorders in the past and it sickens me that there are people in the world that are very much pro eating disorders.

What is wrong with being pro eating disorders? A lot of things. We as a society are being pushed to look our best, whether it is being prodded by media or by family. Slenderness has become the symbol of beauty even though it is also the symbol of illness. No one should ever look at themselves and say "hey, I gained 5 pounds by eating one of my favorite foods. I guess I am not going to eat it anymore."

I really hate the saying YOLO (you only live once, for those dinosaurs out there.), I just think its over done and really annoying because everyone and I really do mean EVERYONE says it. We should approach eating as like saying YOLO. we should take care of our bodies (like it says in the Torah to do so). We live only once, so we should take care of our bodies to make sure we have safe and healthy fun.but also, don't be afraid to have what you like in terms of food, regardless if you like something that is healthy or not. I have a teacher who legitimately freaks out all of the time, because she cant have what she likes and she is always worried about things being an adequate amount of calories. I think that, almost like the theme of Passover, we are slaves. We are constantly trapped in our minds, worried about what we are going to eat and worried about our outward appearances. There are some people who are exceptions, but i feel like now, this type of slavery is getting worse with young adults. food has taken over people's lives, whether its journaling or taking bizarre medication to lose weight. It has an impact on everything and everyone. What is really upsetting is when something that is supposed to be a life source, could be the cause of death. My sister used to tell me about models who died because of not eating. Eating should be enjoyable and that is why on Jewish holidays and even secular holidays we eat food.

 We (as in people my age) should make it a goal to diminish and work to keep away eating disorders and body shame. But yet, we still  make fun of people calling people who are just plain skinny "anorexic" and on the opposite end of the spectrum saying "I am just going to eat my feelings". I am not saying that we should ban these phrases because banning them and making them socially derogatory makes things worse, we should just watch what we say to people. Words do really hurt and one could make the "people are just overly sensitive" argument, but we should just be sensitive to people and their own personal stories. Even I, the writer who has been sounding exceedingly preachy whilst writing this. I have made jokes and sadly hurt someone's feelings because I didn't know that it could hurt. Click here for what made me write this. 

<3 Jennie

On Being Single

This post could have been a valentines day type of post, but I feel like I should really say how I feel about this. I have been single since December, and I really feel like there are some blessings and curses about being a single lady. But the thing is, is that I personally don't mind being single anymore, and its kind of been the hot lava I've tried to avoid until  December when I made the decision to be single.
I  vowed to myself to not really blog about boy issues, thus me not going into detail about other reasons why/who I have dated in the past, but I think I should broach the issues as to why being single has been stigmatized.
We live in a society where being in relationships is a huge deal. We not only hear about elaborate wedding ceremonies of celebrities but also things like "look how cute so and so is..." or  "awwww they are such a cute couple". Ever since we are little children we feel pressured to fit this standard and meet prospective suitors, to the point where your parents see you with a boy/girl and think that you are dating, just because you are with the gender of your preference. I personally want to get married and have children in the future but there are so many people who look down on those who don't want to get married and have children in the future. Marriage is not for everyone,  romantic relationships are not for everyone and relations involving any sort of commitment are not for everyone.
Side note: Even premarital sex is still stigmatized in some areas, but gay marriage was not allowed for a really long time. On the complete opposite note, pre-marital sex has been almost glorified on television and has pressured teens to do so. We live in a very black and white society, even though a lot of our issues as humans are grey or whatever color besides black and white you choose.
Back to my point...There are a lot of these standards in society, where they expect us to fit this one size garment (the metaphorical garment AKA marriage or any other social norm) and some of us just cannot fit.
so, to all of those who push others to be in relationships: Please stop. If you are a real friend/family member etc, you would be supportive. Arranged marriages don't happen here in America.
Another thing: people really look down at single people. I know a lot of people who will deny that, but its society's dirty little secret. they spoon feed us these messages of having boyfriends and such at a very young age. Television shows with female protagonists having boyfriends and boyfriend issues, as well as teen quizzes in magazines making assumptions that boys like them. Its self esteem shattering, not only causes that, but also girls who are lesbians or bisexuals feel very confused and left out and very isolated.
So yeah, when you say forever alone, please remember that there are people who actually like being alone forever.
<3 Jennie

5 Things That Make Me Happy

One of my best friends suggested me to do this, so yeah...ALLONS-Y! YALLA!!! LEGO! YEAH!
(These are in no particular order)
1) Ice cream. Mainly because it is a stress snack and preferably chocolate chip cookie dough. I eat it when I work on things and it calms me down. Its really unhealthy so I am trying to not eat a lot of it.
2) Torah study. I am such a nerd. I am not really the best, but I learned over the summer that this is a passion of mine and I want to keep at it. (ps: if anyone reading this is a friend of mine on face book and wants to be my chevruta, please message me :) I want to keep learning but all of my crazy life is in the way and its finally starting to slow down. So yeah, I really love it, mainly because i get to exercise my intellectual part of my brain and not just the super artistic part.
Also, to elaborate, I find not only torah study but just learning in general to make me happy. I just find acquiring new information fun for me. That is probably why I never really hated school.
3) Theatre. Oh lord, I have been in love with it for such a long time, and it is pretty much my life now, that I want to go to college for theatre. I am a techie, so anything creative and theatre-y is my jam. I legitimately flip out every time I see a costume that is beautifully sewn or when there are historical error's in movies.
4)Feminism. Yeah, Its kind of obvious that feminism is one of the things that makes me happy. I think expressing myself in this form has developed me and my progressive thinking
5) BOOKS!!! I love to read and it has gotten me through some very difficult times. It has also expanded my vocabulary so that is very good.
Yeah, so hopefully that covers all of the bases. I thought that this would be refreshing, to give you a little glimpse at my inner self. There are many things that i could definitely add to this list, like art, a Capella music, and nature, but if you want me to elaborate, please share and stuff. I try to not worry so much about my audience as much as i worry about the content, but I just want there to be an audience for my content.

Beauty

So today I have been in one of the best moods ever. I was and still am just so content with everything and I just feel good. I really feel like ranting today, so yeah...rant rant rant rant rant
Besides that, I have spent a lot of time today on facebook (when i say alot of time, I mean an unhealthy amount of time) and I see that a lot of people have been posting things about beauty. But can we, as human beings really see beauty in life when there is just so much distraction with all of these electronics and privacy evading that the government does (thanks obama, for trying to get rid of it though). Beauty is such a broad definition, and i think that a large amount of teenagers and young adults connect beauty with physicality. as much as it is about psysical beauty, there is alot more.
Beauty: the quality present in a thing or person that gives intense pleasure or deep satisfaction to the mind,whether arising from sensory manifestations (as shape, color,sound,etc.), a meaningful design or pattern, or something else (as a personality in which high spiritual qualities are manifest).
Beauty is such an overused word and I am most likely a contributor for it to be such, but I think that beauty is something that we cannot just look at something and call it beautiful. beauty is something that is inspiring, provokes emotion or in any way is meaningful to us as human beings and I say chocolate chip cookie dough ice cream is very very very beautiful. Mainly because it is delicious.
Calling people beautiful, is the biggest roadblock that we encounter in our day to day lives, not knowing whether to tell them that they are to make them feel better or to tell your girlfriend that. In my opinion, calling someone beautiful could cross genders. I have called men beautiful, because they are, intellectually of course, but physically as well. Beauty should not have a gender, so yeah...to those people who think it is, SHUSHHHHHHH!!!!
Yeah, so this was a lovely outlet for my energy....you are all beautiful

<3 Jennie

My reaction to Ellen Paige coming out

Before I start, I should let you all know that this is a straight person's point of view.
So I just watched Ellen Paige's coming out video( I will link  it at the end of the post) so, here is my reaction:
I personally don't like the idea of coming out and how it has become such a huge thing to do with all of these elaborate videos and news leaking. I think that it is an important thing to talk about human sexuality and our personal sexual preferences, but it is really saddening to see a homo/bi sexual or transgender person to go through all of the torture coming out is. Its like a shot in the dark, not really knowing how people are going to react. In a perfect world, people should not have to come out because we as people would be comfortable in acknowledging that sexuality is a thing and that there is a spectrum of sexuality. But of course now there are people out there who are in their forties still not out of the closet, afraid that someone will find out, and have them disowned or something equally as terrible (trying to be super general here mainly because every story is different). Humans are beautiful creatures, I firmly believe in that, but yet there is so much hate and so much ugly that we have to hide out true selves from others.
Also, the fact that the event has been trending on Face Book and all of the news has been focused on this event. I think its really unfair for her and many other coming out stories to be such big deals mainly because they are just normal people living their normal lives and sometimes we forget that actors can be homosexual or bisexual or trans. The media has such a heavy standard of what is cool or popular that a lot of celebrities have to keep up with and that is probably why there are a lot of celebrities in jail and doing drugs.
I sound super preachy, but I thought I should give my opinion on the matter because It has been on my mind.
Goodnight Y'all
Click here to access the article
<3 Jennie

So, What Happened Was...

I was at a youth group dance when someone asked me, "Are you a boy? I mean, you do wear tzizit and all". This guy, lets call him parabola,made me really think and asses what my priorities are as a person and as a feminist.
On one hand: I really don't mind his curiosity. We should all be curious. Yes, the question seemed kind of offensive on the outside but i really understood where he came from (more on it later). I did not want to seem offended because I wasn't, and i was not sure if I should take it as a compliment. I don't think looking like a specific gender should be a compliment or an insult. I have been taught at a young age to embrace my gender and to dress like my gender. I recognize that I am a woman in today's world full of gender and sex fueled stereotypes and expectations. I am totally okay with being a woman and I am to an extent okay with my femininity. I am also, very much comfortable with my gender identity that i actually don't mind coming across at times as ambiguous. I understand that my short hair,skinny jeans with long sleeves and super hero converse are not the typical female wardrobe. I am comfortable with myself enough to recognize these things and to understand that is how people will see me. I don't find it an insult whatsoever. But...
On the other hand: My tzizit. I know, that dramatic pause. you can hear the orchestra now going DUH DUH DUHHHH. But my tzizit, the most contreversial part of my daily wardrobe is being questioned as being a "masculine" article of clothing. What is interesting is that i actually found this part more upsetting than the actual wondering if i am a guy part.I don't really enjoy when people give physical objects a specific gender (i.e. easy bake ovens vs. queasy bake ovens, girl and boy specific books, barbie dolls vs. GI Joe's ect.) I was in a conversation with another person, lets call him horse raddish, about what would we do when we grow up and have families of our own. I said, completely seriously, that I would love to paint my boy's room pink not only as an experiment, but pink is not that bad of a color! Horse raddish replied "so you are planning to turn your son gay and let him play with princess dolls? Pink is a girls color!". I never really liked the idea of assigning color a gender, thus wanting to try and paint a boy's room pink. Horse raddish,besides being  homophobic, does not realize that objects and things cannot change who you are attracted to as a person.We should have objects define us as a person and as a human being, not by our gender or a gender stereotype. Tzizit should define people as Jews and those who want to follow Hashem's commandments, not by who is more masculine or who should not wear them.
I still dont have a concrete reaction to this and I don't think I will ever have one. I don't know...at least it makes a really interesting conversation starter.
<3 Jennie